Welcome to the Micro Niche Mastery Podcast, where we help you establish yourself in the perfect micro-niche. So, you will get noticed and grow your business faster. And now your host. He is a copywriter that got tired of writing a daily email to three different tribes every single day. So he decided to delegate it Ziv Raviv.

Ziv:

Hello, and welcome to the Micro Niche Mastery Podcast. This is episode 11 and I’m here with Irene Fehr who is a sex and intimacy coach@ irenefehr.com. Hello.

Irene:

Hi, thanks for having me on this podcast.

Ziv:

It’s a pleasure, and I want to kind of go through the journey with you of the niching down journey, because as a business coach, I understand coaching helps you to get from point a to point B with your business. If it’s a business coach, what does it mean to be a sex and intimacy coach?

Irene:

Pretty much in all cultures, sex is something that you see on billboards and movies and it’s everywhere. But when it comes down to actual relationships, a lot of people don’t know how to get intimate with each other. They don’t know how to really connect with each other. Most people do know how to have sex, but it’s the intimacy piece that is challenging. And so, a sex and intimacy coach, me as a sex and intimacy coach, I help couples create a deeper connections. And specifically in my practice, in my niche, it’s helping couples who have struggled with this who have gotten stuck in making love and sex work in a long-term relationship to add passion and excitement and connection to their sex lives. This is for couples who are in a committed relationship, not just single people or people who are dating,

Ziv:

And this is already, I love what you’re saying, because you’re already saying no to certain things that exist in your niche. So that’s like a part of narrowing down because you basically help people in the relationships and within the relationships, how to deepen the intimacy, enjoy a deeper, more meaningful, a more connected, safe sex. And then within that niche of helping people with the intimacy you chose to not work with certain people and do work with others, and actually be an expert on solving a unique set of problems that fall under certain categories. Can you tell us a little bit about like, what are you an expert of? Yes.

Irene:

So sex is a huge, huge niche so that there is types of relationships. There are polyamorous monogamous relationships. There is when you’re single versus if you’re coupled there is kink and there’s different positions and toys. And so for me that my niche and my passion is helping couples in a long-term monogamous relationship, manage and reconciliate, or make sense of their practical lives like as their parents, as their partners, to each other, as their workers and being lovers and making sex passionate, and specifically also focusing on women’s libido. So this is even missing it further. So, you have sex in a long-term relationship in my specialty is when it’s the woman who has lost her libido, which doesn’t typically not always, it’s not always something that happens, but it’s usually very typical. And so that’s my area of expertise.

Ziv:

The libido is the thing that diminishes or disappears or it’s something that a lot of women actually suffer from it. I, I, I remember reading on your blog post that the research is about that, about like the data of, at least at the very least how many women are diagnosed. So, around this area, can you share with us a little bit about how serious is the situation that you help people with it’s

Irene:

Super serious, their numbers, as much as 40% of women have been diagnosed or have experienced slowly libido. And so many more women have never actually talked about it. I think so many women, what I see is so many women actually having this experience and assuming that this is normal, a lot of women say I don’t like sex. I don’t enjoy it. I do it for my partner, usually male partner, always, but they do it for their partners and they still experienced low libido. They experienced sex as something that is hard work that requires a lot of getting themselves in the mood, putting a lot of effort in. And so I would absolutely still call that low libido. They just assume that that’s how it is that they don’t like sex, but it’s really, if sex, if the sexier having is hard work, there’s something wrong here. Sex should not be hard. Work sex should be a place of pleasure of connection, of ease of letting go of surrendering, of experiencing heightened levels of consciousness. Not another thing that you have to do. So, to me, low libido is very prevalent. Whether we call it that or not,

Ziv:

As you talk, it sounds a lot like flow. Like you help people establish flow. This unique awareness state of heightened focus and of just experiencing a lot of hormones going through your brain at the same time, the topic that this is like also, well-researched

Irene:

Absolutely, that’s a heightened state of consciousness. That’s a heightened state of sensation. Your body is really open. You’re experiencing lots of sensory stimulation. There’s a release, certainly there’s orgasm and orgasmic energy. And you know, what I mentioned earlier is that most people know how to have sex. You don’t need to teach about what goes into what and how, how to do that. But most people don’t know how to create flow and sex. They don’t know how to get out of their heads and into their bodies. They don’t know how to let go and let go of performance, let go of being in their heads and really being in their bodies, letting the body move them. And that’s what really flow is what the state of flow is, is that you’re not thinking, you know, like a surfer on a wave. They’re not thinking now I turn right now. I move my leg here. Now I do this. They’re just in this beautiful, almost like merging, like them have merged with a wave and they’re riding it. And that’s what I teach in sex is how to connect at that level. Not just perform better and not just have a better orgasm

Ziv:

Because the foundation of it all is like a very strong connection between the partners. Can you give a little bit of a, like, what do you do to help two people in a long-term relationship actually get to the level where they can talk freely about sex and intimacy and they feel so safe and connected.

Irene:

The first thing that has to happen when it’s a couple is that we need to create a safe space for them to really be vulnerable couples who come to me, they come to me after having had stress around sex and all the different patterns that get developed. And so, they come with distress, they come with walls up, they come with these protection mechanisms trying to protect their hearts from disappointment, from rejection, from, from being humiliated or laughed at. So, the key thing is to establish safety between them to allow them to put down those walls and to open their hearts to each other. Again, otherwise you can’t really move on when this work with the sex work. If there’s no safety, they’re going to revert to performance, which is what we’re trying to avoid to begin with. So, safety is key. What’s also really important is helping people connect to themselves.

First, the way I talk about it is if your feeler is off, if you can’t feel yourself, if you cannot connect to your own body and to your own feelings, your feeler is going to be off for your partner too. There’s just one feeler in this. And so literally there’s an on and off switch. And so, starting to reconnect to yourself and hearing your body understanding what it’s saying is really key to then be able to connect to another human being. You can spend hours talking about kind of the biology and the neuroscience around that, but we are feelers. We create connection by feeling each other by mirroring what is happening in each of us. So, if there’s walls, there’s no mirroring, there’s no connection. And we have to create that vulnerability, but it starts with us in our own relationship to our body or pleasure or desires and learning how to speak them and honor them.

Ziv:

So, when you started niching down and talking mainly about low libido and sexual marriages, and specifically female, low libido, you have established your name as a writer, you had the blog, you still have a blog or a successful blog. And you wrote about these and you shared a lot of personal stories from your own experiences. And that actually created for you something that is not just a blog, but it’s a successful business. Can you tell me a little bit about what drew you towards this type of marketing?

Irene:

My story, which actually is very much related to this work. My story of losing my own libido and my marriage and ending up in a sexless marriage because of me, this is what created my business. This was the inspiration. And when I started to openly talk about my own story, there were so many women that started appearing out of nowhere, sharing similar experiences. Like they were going through that, or they had gone through it, or they are facing that challenge right now. And that was a moment when I realized, wow, this kind of marketing based on my own story, my own experience is incredibly powerful. Especially in this area. Most people don’t talk about sex or when they do talk about sex, it’s about conquests and fun positions and all the things that are really cool. And usually, the things that we do when we’re single, but once couples get into a committed relationship conversations about sex, stop, everything is happening secretly behind closed doors in the bedroom of the couple.

And so, when I started to share my experiences, I give a lot of permission for women. And what helped my business to take off was an article was a blog basically that I published in the Huffington post that attracted thousands and thousands of page views and brought thousands of women to my website. Again, women who are like, wow, this is it. This is my story too. I’m experiencing this. And so, in this niche, this kind of marketing is powerful. Helping women understand that they’re not alone. The word they’re going through is not uncommon that it’s not normal, but it’s not uncommon. And that I understand what they’re going through. And that provides a lot of relief for women. And that’s an incredible powerful tool to also draw women in with a solution here. This is what I have, I’ve gone through it. And then I can help you.

Ziv:

And actually the lot of like Micro problems in this situation that you understand so personally and do that you’ve researched as well with a lot of professional scientific tools, as well as like with a lot of, uh, clients of yours. There are a lot of micro problems that you actually solve and publish in your blog. Can you tell us a little bit about some of the responses you got from your readership, from people that like your email list and, uh, in touch with you?

Irene:

I take a really holistic approach to this, that so many sexual issues, especially women’s libido, they’re connected to, for example, the level of connection in the relationship between the partners, they’re connected to how confident the woman and also her partner, how they feel at work, how confident they feel at work, what kind of relationship they have to money, what kind of relationship they have to trust? Like if they trust or they feel safe in the world, they feel supported. And so, I write on a lot of different topics, certainly sex and passion in a long-term relationship, but then also how to create that connection, how to speak your own desires, how to name what’s happening for you, how to learn, to relax, how to trust, how to find your passion at work, even in relationships with kids. And so, you know, again, what I get from my readers is that they feel really understood because everything is connected to everything in our lives. And there is this cultural myth that you can go to a career counselor and it’s completely unrelated to a sex coach, but in reality, it’s all, you, it’s all your confidence. It’s all your belief systems. They’re all one and they’re together. And so of course I don’t do coat loop, career coaching and things like that, but it’s a holistic approach and people really appreciate it. They resonate with that quite a bit.

Ziv:

And also, they get value just by reading your blog. So, there’s no like a blog that you wrote without an intention to share an important story, to inspire, or to literally shed light on something that is usually hidden and hard to know with even practical tips. And as a result, people resonate and they want to read it and they share it in, in all sorts of ways. And I’m guessing that when Huffington post, uh, decided to ask you to write for them, you already had an established blog to some degree, right?

Irene:

Yeah. I was writing for the Huffington post for, for a couple of years. And so, yeah, and writing in different venues. And I mentioned too, that so much of the content that comes in that I write in my blog comes from what I hear and what I learned from my clients that they reveal so much of the things that really matter to them. So, I’m constantly learning from clients and I’m constantly connecting the dots and bringing those learnings to, to my audience, helping them connect the dots, helping inspire them to take action, helping them to, to take charge of their lives. If they have a client coupled for going through this, I’m sure there is at least a hundred other couples going through something similar. And of course, I don’t share any confidential information that that’s incredibly important, but that I take these kinds of archetypical situations, archetype couples, and I share similar challenges in my blog.

Ziv:

I want to go back to talking about the business side of things, because if I, as a listener to this, I think that’s what we get to do. You chose to talk about something that you’re passionate about, something that is personal and do you do this in a vulnerable way, you know, authentic way in, in a consistent way for years, not just on your blog, but also in other blogs. And you’ve created people that are part of your tribe that, uh, your subscribers, your, your audience. And so, there’s a, so the understand that you went micro with the direction and you got noticed, but how do you actually, like, what’s the process of making money out of this? What’s like, what do you do to actually get someone from just listening to what you write? Like, we think we want advice living what you hide and from there actually paying money to you.

Irene:

So there’s different kinds of people who come to my website and I am very SEO driven. So I’m on the first page of Google and several critical keywords in the people who come to my website, they can fall into different camps. One group is they know they want to work with me. They may have read an article. They may have heard of podcasts that I was on and right away they be like, I want to work with her. She does it. And so usually they go straight to the consultation and a lot of the times they need to convince me that they want to hire me. I don’t really need to do the work. Yeah. They’re just really set on working with me. And then there’s another group who are checking out information. They’re not ready to make a decision. They’re not clear their again, their readiness level is not there.

Maybe it’s a new problem. Maybe they’re just, haven’t worked up the courage to, to say yes to this work, because of course, this is incredibly vulnerable work. Your sex life encompasses everything. Like I said, worthiness, confidence, love all these things. And so they go into a flow of emails, receiving lots of value and information, learning about different aspects and in business speak, warm, getting warmed up. And really for me, my goal is to get them the information they need so that they can solve the problem right away, or getting them to make a decision, to get support, to buy an online program, or to hire me as a coach or to hire someone else, but to do something because the worst thing is, is having someone who is, who knows that they need change, but who are feeling powerless to do that. So for me, it’s really guiding them to make that decision to act one way or another, to get the solve and to, to get the burden or the challenge taking care of.

Ziv:

If someone wants to experience that, like to actually get into your email list, see what you do in the, and experience the, the level of awareness to the options for solutions that you have, and that exists in the world. What can people do? How they, how can they join this experience?

Irene:

So, one of these days, why is this to go on my website? And in the blog section, there’s a way to sign up, to receive basically announcements of new blog posts. And also I offer a free online training. It’s a three video training that’s called how to want sex and it’s designed and written for women, but I’m just amazed of how many men sign up for this. And I’m really odd by how many men are curious for men, how many men want to support their partners. And so that three video series, you get the videos themselves, and then you’re put into queue to receive then announcements for the blogs, for the writing and all sorts of valuable gifts and insights.

Ziv:

Sweet. Irene Fehr. Thank you so much for sharing with us, your business and the details of it. I think that I want to wrap up just with a little bit more value for the listeners whenever they are. So if there’s a female listener right now, listening to this and thinking that she understand that you help women with low libido, but basically she has a problem that is like, it’s her fault and that she’s broken because she doesn’t have the same libido as a partner. What would you like to tell Irene?

Irene:

Right. Yeah. As I hear you describe the scenario, of course, it touches me personally because I was that woman questioning my own, my own sexuality and whether I was sexually broken. And so for me, the response really deeply comes from my heart. And what I want to say is that there are good reasons why your body may not be receptive to sex or open to sex right now, and actually means that you are healthy, that you’re not sexually broken, but that your body is actually starving of nutrients. It’s starving of things that it needs to thrive. And so if I can actually get through to this woman that I want to say, yeah, you’re not broken, but listen to your body, listen to part of you that says that I don’t have what I need. I wish I could have this or that because that’s the part that has information. And I highly recommend the, the three part video training that I mentioned how to want sex again, because I go really deeply in, in helping women understand what women’s libido is, what traps we get. We fall into that actually have us lose our libido and really zoom in on this message of it’s actually a healthy response to lose your libido when something is missing in your life. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, but let’s get you fed. Let’s give you the nutrients. Let’s set up your relationship to give you what you need

Ziv:

When you do get what you need and follow your process to fill up your cup as you call it. Can you tell us, just paint us a hopeful picture of what happens on the other side, uh, with some of your success stories?

Irene:

Yeah. So, imagine having playful touch sessions with your partner and we are fully in the moment, and you are not worried about whether this is going to lead to sex, or will you be able to perform, or is this going to hurt, but really, truly enjoying each other and, and kissing and making out in a way restoring some of that energy from the beginning. Imagine also having sex grow out of mundane situations, not having to get yourself in the mood to have sex, but that having that ease and flow in your day and feeling connected to your partner, that you want to rush into their arms at the end of the day, and imagine feeling really heard and seen and understood by your partner. That again makes you feel close to them and allows your body to relax and then leads to more touch, more kissing or making out and more sexual connection. Ultimately, it’s having more, ease more sex is not something you work hard at, or you have to strategize or do things, but that it flows naturally. And that it’s rooted in connection. It’s rooted in being close with each other vulnerable heard, seen, and also desired feeling that desire from each other and having it be easy, having it be flowing, having it be literally an easy part of your life.

Ziv:

Wonderful, thank you for showing us like the berries, hoping that, uh, what are the, some of the results that people that work with you get, I really appreciate when someone not just chooses a niche or a micro niche or within it, something that is aligned with who is, and something like that, that has a good marketing strategy, but also if you actually solve a problem in the world that you actually help that on soul people lives. And that’s something that you are very passionate about clearly. And I’m

Irene:

Super honored to do this work too, because my clients let me into their lives into their hearts and to their homes and to their families. Even though we do all the work over zoom, but of course it’s a very intimate relationship because we talk about very intimate things. And I’m just so incredibly grateful to be doing this work, to be led in this fight, into people’s lives and to have this kind of meaningful role in creating love, really having them feel loved, sharing love and making love of course, in their relationships, which also extends to their families, to their children everywhere, work, everything right, the halo effect. So, I’m grateful, I’m humbled, and I’m incredibly privileged to have created this and to have this business feed me, nourish me both energetically and of course, financially as well.

Ziv:

Thank you. And, uh, if you want to learn more about Irene Fehr’ consultation and like all the things that she teaches for free on her blog, go to irenefehr.com and we’ll put the link to the site on the show notes. And I want to thank you everyone for listening for yet another episode in the Micro Niche Mastery Podcast. See you next week.

Voice over:

This show was brought to you by daily cookie.co, where you can finally feel supported daily email love. Now delegatable visit daily cookie.co for a collection of free resources on how to use copywriting at daily emails to grow your micro niche business today.